Chess Board Ballet

June 22, 2004

There are times when the Hand of the Creator reaches into your innards and rearranges everything. Heart where brain used to be. Courage where chicken used to be. Blank slate where once a vision of the future grew. A ripe Present suddenly feels like an intolerably mouldy Past.
What is s/he thinking, that Creator of ours? My life was lovely, progressing along a comprehensible path with verifiable milestones in an orderly way. Marry wrong man, have adventures and suffer, get divorced. Travel around country, find way-better partner and marry him. Have adventures without suffering. Buy nice home, make it reflection of us, plant big gardens. Buy a gallery in a beautiful paradisical mountain town, make it into a big success, become part of the community, make big batch of friends. Study other things, sell gallery, use profit to start exciting new business.
Then came the confusing part. Start thinking of selling everything?? Dream of having nothing and being free?? Notice that husband is having the same dreams?? Long to travel unencumbered, finding things that call to me and require my attention in unexpected places?? What kind of next step is this??? I'm supposed to be planning sensibly for eventual retirement at this point. *nuh-uh.*
I am longing to give myself over to the Flow of Spirit and Grace. I know the One who made us all loves it when we do that; I've seen it happen in my life and in the lives of others. Somewhere, someone is sitting around with an answer to a question I've been asking. Somewhere else, someone is sitting around wondering about a question that I have an answer for. Or they need something I have. Or I need something they have. I know it because I've lived this way for short periods of time. Magic pervades every hour and every breath, when we allow The Flow of Spirit and Grace to move us like a ballet of chess pieces. I'm really in the mood to pirouette across the chess board, instead of continuing to decorate my own square.
Fortunately, The Flow has seen fit to sweep G. along at the same pace. We are itching to pitch everything overboard and live like Gypsies. Speaking of Gypsies, our dog Gypsy is confused and looking forlorn. We have no idea - yet - how a dog might fit into our future. That's a weighty issue to tackle. Very sadly but very fortuitously, our creaky old beloved cat Puff is descending into her last days. Our hearts are breaking, but we are glad that her life's timing dovetails with the larger changes.
It's raining this week, in our dusty drought-thirsty Rocky Mountain home: moisture to slake the thirst and encourage new growth. It's raining Grace in our lives, as The Flow fills our hearts and souls and encourages new growth. We're sprouting all over the place. Flowing.
With love to all,~ Willow ~